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Exercise Bike

The wife was was determined to ride her exercise bike several miles a day. 

Late one night, having put it off all day, she climbed aboard the noisy contraption in the bedroom, where her husband was reading a book. 

After about 20 minutes of listening to the squeaky machine, he glanced up. "Don't you think it's time you turned around and headed for home?" he asked.
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Know Thy Enemy

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asked the king.

"Sire," replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, ransacking the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieked the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." said the knight. "Well, you do now."
 
   
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