JOKE CATEGORIES
 
Jokes Archive
Picture Archive
Computer Jokes
Management Jokes
Short Stories
Bar Jokes
Farmers
Marriage
Wife Jokes
Video links
Men Jokes
Riddles
General Jokes
News clippings
Terms and conditions for this Portal
 
   
 
  JOKE INDEX
 
  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 
   
 
  SUBSCRIBE JOKES
 
Email Address
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
 
   
 
  OUR SPONSORS
 
 
   
 
   JOKE  
 
English is a funny language - Part 2


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ...

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP,
so........it is time to shut UP!
Rate This Joke ( )
 
   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Know Thy Enemy

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asked the king.

"Sire," replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, ransacking the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieked the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." said the knight. "Well, you do now."
 
   
  NEWEST JOKES
 
A Great Cup of Tea
Great Cheese
Grey Hair
Great Golf Shot
 
   
  NEWEST PICTURES
 
What are the odds?
Attorney sues self
Why men shouldn't write advice columns
 
   
  TOP RATED JOKES
 
Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle 09/19/2013, 06:01:03 AM
Midlife crisis for Women 05/06/2013, 06:15:13 AM
Darn Cat 05/16/2013, 06:11:49 AM
Emergency Landing - 2 11/05/2013, 05:58:42 AM
Do It Now 09/05/2013, 06:09:57 AM
whats your answer??? 11/01/2011, 07:54:02 AM
 
   
 
 
 
  LOGIN HERE
 
Username
Password
Signup Now
Forgot password
 
   
 
  SPONSOR
 
 
   
 
Powered By Jokes Script