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one liners

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in.
She said: Check books.

* The easiest way to make your old car run better is To check the prices of new car.

* What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

* What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law.
A great lawyer knows the judge.

* Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

* Why dogs don't marry?
Because they are already leading a dog's life!

* What's the difference between Mother and a Wife?
One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway !!!
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Office Poster ideas

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

If you think we’re a bad firm, you should see our rivals!

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity… probably has a scapegoat.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE…..

We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!

If at first you don’t succeed - try management.

It’s only unethical if you get caught.

Two days without a Human Rights Violation!

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

Work harder slaves!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you’re not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
 
   
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