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   JOKE  
 
One Liners Part 3

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.


There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.


A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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