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One Liners Part 3

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.


There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.


A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
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Office Poster ideas

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

If you think we’re a bad firm, you should see our rivals!

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity… probably has a scapegoat.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE…..

We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!

If at first you don’t succeed - try management.

It’s only unethical if you get caught.

Two days without a Human Rights Violation!

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

Work harder slaves!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you’re not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
 
   
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