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Back to some one liners


- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

- Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Don't Lie to Mom


John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.
 
   
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