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   JOKE  
 
Back to some one liners


- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

- Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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