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Do It Now

After hearing a speech on how to motivate employees, the business owner posted signs that read “Do It Now” in every department. It was impossible for the employees not to see them all through the day.

A friend dropped by a week later. Seeing the signs, he asked if the scheme really worked.
Well, said the business owner, “not exactly the way I thought it would. My accountant ran off with $250,000, the office manager eloped with my secretary and the rest of the employees asked for raises.”
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I've never felt better in my life

One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, ""At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your
life?""

""That's right."" The farmer replied.

""Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?""

The farmer explained. ""When the policeman arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and
shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought, under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life."""
 
   
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