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You know you are getting older when (Part 1)

- "I just can't drink the way I used to", replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again".

- 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".

- A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.

- About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief".

- All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

- All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

- An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

- At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

- Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

- Getting a little action means you don't need to take a laxative.

- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

- Grocery lists are longer than macaroni and cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho's

- Happy hour is a nap.

- Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.

- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

- It's tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.

- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

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No traffic rules for doctors?
Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing.

Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.
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