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• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

• No, my powers can only be used for good.

• How about never? Is never good for you?

• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

• Who me? I just wander from room to room.

• My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
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15 Things To Never Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
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