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The Benefits of Growing Older (and you thought there weren’t any)

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

You can buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You can eat dinner at 4:00.

You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You can constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You give lots of money to charities.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You have an age advantage whenever you need it.

Your Congressman pays attention to you.

You are not expected to keep up with technology or understand it.

You get travel and entertainment discounts.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

You can dance to the oldest music and no one laughs at you.

People come to you for help with their antique cars.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
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Historical Wife

A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."
 
   
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