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   JOKE  
 
The Benefits of Growing Older (and you thought there weren’t any)

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

You can buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You can eat dinner at 4:00.

You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You can constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You give lots of money to charities.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You have an age advantage whenever you need it.

Your Congressman pays attention to you.

You are not expected to keep up with technology or understand it.

You get travel and entertainment discounts.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

You can dance to the oldest music and no one laughs at you.

People come to you for help with their antique cars.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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