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No toilet paper in the rest room

A rather attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.

"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies. I'm just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the manager - clearly aroused, "he's in the back doing some work right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says - "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room!"
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Know Thy Enemy

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asked the king.

"Sire," replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, ransacking the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieked the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." said the knight. "Well, you do now."
 
   
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