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More Punning
What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.

How do chickens dance? Chick to chick.

What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A palm tree.

What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons? Hose A and Hose B.

What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

The man who had fallen into an upholstery factory is now said to be fully recovered.


A pessimist's blood type is always B-.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

What must you know to be an auctioneer? Lots.

What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired.


Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

What do you get from pampered cows? Spoiled milk.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Sign for a networking business in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
You Don't Suppose She Is Faking

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."

"You know you're right" exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it. 

You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
 
   
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