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Money Talks

"During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

""Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out.""

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: ""Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?""

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, ""Yes,"" then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: ""I thought we had a deal.""

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: ""She made me a better offer."""
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Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 

8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. 
 
   
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