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Just how bad did you say the economy was???

- Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.

- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

- African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

- My ATM gave me an IOU!

- I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

- I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with the purchase was a bank.

- If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

- McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.

- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.

- My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

- Motel Six won't leave the light on for you anymore.

- A picture is now only worth 200 words.

- They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

- When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

- One of the casinos in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. 
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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