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   JOKE  
 
It shows that you've been out of college for too long when...

• Your potted plants stay alive.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
• You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
• You carry an umbrella.
• You watch the Weather Channel.
• You can’t remember the last time you “pulled an all-nighter.”
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’
• You’re the one calling the police because those kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
• You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes any more.
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.
• Your book shelves aren’t made of concrete blocks.
• You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
• Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
• You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids.
• A $3.00 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’
• You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
• Grocery lists are longer than macaroni and cheese diet Pepsi and Twinkies.
• ‘I just can’t drink the way I used to’ replaces ‘I’m never going to drink that much again’
• Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• You don’t pre-party at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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