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I have learned!


Written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.
Andy passed away on November 4, 2011.

I've learned ... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned ... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned ... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned ... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned ... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned ... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned ... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned ... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned ... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned ... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned ... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned ... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned ... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned ... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned ... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned ... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned ... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned ... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned ... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned ... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned ... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned ... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned ... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned ... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned ... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned ... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned ... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness, and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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