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I'll never forget the first day

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
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Historical Wife

A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."
 
   
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