JOKE CATEGORIES
 
Jokes Archive
Picture Archive
Computer Jokes
Management Jokes
Short Stories
Bar Jokes
Farmers
Marriage
Wife Jokes
Video links
Men Jokes
Riddles
General Jokes
News clippings
Terms and conditions for this Portal
 
   
 
  JOKE INDEX
 
  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 
   
 
  SUBSCRIBE JOKES
 
Email Address
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
 
   
 
  OUR SPONSORS
 
[Site Ads Here]
You can configure it in the script admin panel under Sponsers > Left Panel Ad
 
   
 
   JOKE  
 
Everything is free in heaven

A long-time retired, elderly couple were married for over sixty years. Although the man and women were not poor, they were far from being rich. They managed to get comfortably by skimping and watching their pennies.

The elderly man and women were both in excellent health for their age, mainly because of the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise since their sixties.

As fate would have it, the couples excellent health didn't help a bit when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed.

Being the good, honest couple, they wound up in Heaven.

When man and woman reached the pearly gates, they got a welcome from St. Peter who escorted them inside Paradise. First, St. Peter took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. 

A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. The couple gasped in astonishment while St. Peter said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

The old man asked how much money all this luxury was going to cost. 

"How much? Of course, nothing," replied St. Peter. 'You have earned this by being good during your lives and this is your reward: Heaven with all its blessings and luxuries."'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

"I love golf but how much for the greens fee?" asked the old man. "I couldn't afford to play much more than twice a year on Earth."

"Remember, this is Heaven," emphasized St. Peter. "Play as much as you want and every time you golf you get it for free — always on the house, in other words."

Soon they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood, lamb chops, steaks, exotic deserts, free flowing beverages and all the over 200 varieties of wine.

"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy"

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" the old man queried.

"This will amaze you, more than the fact everything is free," stated St. Peter with a smile on his face. "You can eat as much food and drink wine as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat, sick, or really drunk. This is Heaven!'

The old man was still not totally satisfied, "No gym to work out at?"

Not unless you actually want to exercise for the fun of it,' was the answer. 

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or all the other tests my wife has asked me to do over the last twenty years or so."

"Never again," said St. Peter. "All you do here is enjoy yourself."

At this point, the elderly man glared at his wife and uttered, "You and your fricken bran muffins and all the other healthy stuff. We could have been here fifteen years ago!"
Rate This Joke ( )
 
   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
No traffic rules for doctors?
Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing.

Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.
 
   
  NEWEST JOKES
 
A Great Cup of Tea
Great Cheese
Grey Hair
Great Golf Shot
 
   
  NEWEST PICTURES
 
What are the odds?
Attorney sues self
Why men shouldn't write advice columns
 
   
  TOP RATED JOKES
 
Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle 09/19/2013, 06:01:03 AM
Midlife crisis for Women 05/06/2013, 06:15:13 AM
Darn Cat 05/16/2013, 06:11:49 AM
Emergency Landing - 2 11/05/2013, 05:58:42 AM
Do It Now 09/05/2013, 06:09:57 AM
whats your answer??? 11/01/2011, 07:54:02 AM
 
   
 
 
 
  LOGIN HERE
 
Username
Password
Signup Now
Forgot password
 
   
 
  SPONSOR
 
 
   
 
Powered By Jokes Script