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Kids' views on marriage

What Exactly Is Marriage?

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Rob, six years old

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old

How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Megan, nine years old

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years old

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years old

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, nine years old

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, eight years old

What Do Most People Do on a Date?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, ten years old

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, nine years old

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, ten years old

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, nine years old

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, ten years old

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, nine years old

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, seven years old
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Have a beer


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-Catherine Zandonella

Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
--Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

All right, Brain, I don't like you... and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
 
   
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