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   JOKE  
 
Before and After Falling In Love

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I’m suffocating

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done…

Before - The Sound of Music
After - The Sound of Silence

Before - It’s like I’m in a dream
After - It’s like he’s in a dorm

Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

Before - Charming and Noble
After - Chernobyl

Before - Ideal
After - Idle

Before - I love a woman with curves
After - I never said you were fat

Before - He’s completely lost without me
After - Why won’t he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - This relationship is going nowhere

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - Blind
After - Nearsighted

Before - You look so seductive in black
After - Your clothes are so depressing

Before - Iambic Pentameter
After - Blank Verse

Before - Oysters
After - Fish sticks

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Don't Lie to Mom


John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.
 
   
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