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   JOKE  
 
Before and After Falling In Love

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I’m suffocating

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done…

Before - The Sound of Music
After - The Sound of Silence

Before - It’s like I’m in a dream
After - It’s like he’s in a dorm

Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

Before - Charming and Noble
After - Chernobyl

Before - Ideal
After - Idle

Before - I love a woman with curves
After - I never said you were fat

Before - He’s completely lost without me
After - Why won’t he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - This relationship is going nowhere

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - Blind
After - Nearsighted

Before - You look so seductive in black
After - Your clothes are so depressing

Before - Iambic Pentameter
After - Blank Verse

Before - Oysters
After - Fish sticks

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.
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   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
15 Things To Never Say To A Cop


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

5. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

8. I pay your salary!

9. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

12. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

13. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
 
   
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