JOKE CATEGORIES
 
Jokes Archive
Picture Archive
Computer Jokes
Management Jokes
Short Stories
Bar Jokes
Farmers
Marriage
Wife Jokes
Video links
Men Jokes
Riddles
General Jokes
News clippings
Terms and conditions for this Portal
 
   
 
  JOKE INDEX
 
  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 
   
 
  SUBSCRIBE JOKES
 
Email Address
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
 
   
 
  OUR SPONSORS
 
[Site Ads Here]
You can configure it in the script admin panel under Sponsers > Left Panel Ad
 
   
 
   JOKE  
 
Midlife crisis for Women

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.


In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.


Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.


Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.


Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."


Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.


Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"


In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.


Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally-more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.


Mid-life means that you become more reflective... You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?


But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.

That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts."
Rate This Joke ( )
 
   JOKE OF THE DAY
 
Top 20 things to wish for at work on a BAD DAY

1. How about never? Is that good for you?

2. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

3. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

4. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

5. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

8. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

10. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

11. You sound reasonable.....It must be time to up the medication.

12. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

13. Do I look like a people person?

14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

15. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?

18. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

19. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

20. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
 
   
  NEWEST JOKES
 
A Great Cup of Tea
Great Cheese
Grey Hair
Great Golf Shot
 
   
  NEWEST PICTURES
 
What are the odds?
Attorney sues self
Why men shouldn't write advice columns
 
   
  TOP RATED JOKES
 
Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle 09/19/2013, 06:01:03 AM
Midlife crisis for Women 05/06/2013, 06:15:13 AM
Darn Cat 05/16/2013, 06:11:49 AM
Emergency Landing - 2 11/05/2013, 05:58:42 AM
Do It Now 09/05/2013, 06:09:57 AM
whats your answer??? 11/01/2011, 07:54:02 AM
 
   
 
 
 
  LOGIN HERE
 
Username
Password
Signup Now
Forgot password
 
   
 
  SPONSOR
 
 
   
 
Powered By Jokes Script