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Golf Meditations



If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are just the way you meant to play them.

You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
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Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 

8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. 
 
   
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