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Computer one liners

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

Adding manpower to a late software 
project makes it later.

Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows!

All computers wait at the same speed.
Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!

All you need to know is the user interface.

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
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Fall Out!

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out." 

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. 

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
 
   
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